we have pet lesbian snakes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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