I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
