i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
