I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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