so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
