just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
