well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize