Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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