well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
