i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Farmville is her only friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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