Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize