she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
