I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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