did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
