Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
