she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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