Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
