Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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