I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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