I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
