how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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