it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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