fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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