Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
