I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Text me some of your sweat
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
