Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize