Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
