You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
