Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
