I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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