I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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