A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
