I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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