He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize