Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
