Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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