yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
