the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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