I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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