If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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