i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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