She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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