Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
