some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
