I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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