S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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