I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
