Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
