i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
