there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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