You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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