they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
