There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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