I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
