Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize