I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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