dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
