david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Randomize
