Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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