Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My vagina is officially offended.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
