Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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