Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
