sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
