my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
