And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
