i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
