I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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