Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
