I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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