Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
