So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
