Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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