hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
