Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have feelings that need drinking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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