if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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