He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
