Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
