So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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