I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
