Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im six kinds of drunk right now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
