Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Of course I have a pirate flag
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
