I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
