I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
