Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
