i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
