She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
