can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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