I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
