you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
