Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
