I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize