I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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