I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize