you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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