Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
