Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
