Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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