I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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