I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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