lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
