Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
