put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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