somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
