I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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