i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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