Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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