ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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