watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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